Romeo and Juliet Act 2 Scene 2 Rewritten
by Maddy156
Summary: A rewrite of Act 2 Scene 2  Balcony Scene  from a modern point of view. Meant as a parody. Characters and story line are, obviously, the late and great Shakespeare's.


Romeo and Juliet: Rewritten

Act 2: Scene 2

**Juliet**: Romeo, Romeo, why do you have to be a Montague? Romeo, change your name, but if it's too much trouble, I'll change mine.

**Romeo**: Do I tell her I am here? Or do I just keep hiding in the bushes?

**Juliet**: Do you have to be a Montague? Your name isn't who you are. Without Montague, you'll still be mine, my love.

**Romeo**: I believe you. Just tell me you love me and I'll get rid of it.

**Juliet**: Who's there? Tell me or I'll call the cops!

**Romeo**: You asked for a name, but I don't know what to give; you don't like my name.

**Juliet**: I haven't heard many words fall from your lips, but already I know your voice. Is it you Romeo?

**Romeo**: No longer Romeo, if the name displeases you.

**Juliet**: How'd you get here? If my family finds you here, they'll kill you.

**Romeo**: For love, the wall was no obstacle, for nothing is too much for love. As for your family, I would face twenty of them, for you.

**Juliet**: I would do anything so you would not have to do so.

**Romeo**: My love, I have night to hide me. I don't fear them, for I would rather die than live without your love.

**Juliet**: Anyway, how'd you find my house?

**Romeo**: For the sake of love, I could find you anywhere. Except the bathroom 'cause that'd just be awkward.

**Juliet**: You can't see me but I'm blushing. I wish you'd let me know that you were listening, so that I could've kept the truth from you a while longer. So that you could have taken me on a date and I could have pretended to be frigid, played a little hard to get. But now that you know of my love, I hope you don't find me loose for loving you so easily. Now that you know I love you, I have to ask: do you love me?

**Romeo**: I swear upon the lamppost, which bravely lights the night that I love you.

**Juliet**: A lamppost? My dearest Romeo, swear not by the lamppost which turns on and off by night and day. Do you not know that even a lamppost begins to rust?

**Romeo**: Then I'll swear by the cobblestones; those things never change!

**Juliet**: Swear on your life.

**Romeo**: I swear upon the burning desire of my –

**Juliet**: Never mind. You need to back off. This is all going a bit too fast and if we're not careful, it will all be over before it's begun. Good night.

**Romeo**: Seriously? You're leaving me like this? I crawled through poison ivy and stood in your rose bush for, like, an hour. You're going to leave me with these thorns to pull out and these itches to scratch?

**Juliet**: Romeo darling, you are perfectly capable of scratching your own itches.

**Romeo**: But they could so easily be soothed by your loving hand.

**Juliet**: And I would readily sooth it, but –

**Nurse** _[from within]_: Juliet!

**Juliet**: Just a minute! As I was saying –

**Nurse** _[from within]_: Juliet, what did I tell about spying on that nice man across the street?

**Juliet**: Um, just a minute, Romeo.

_[Exit Juliet]_

**Romeo**: Could it be true? Could she love me? It must be a dream!

_[Enter Juliet]_

**Juliet**: Sorry about that. What was I saying?

**Romeo**: You were saying nothing while I was proclaiming my love for you. Juliet, I love you!

**Juliet**: I love you too, my dearest Romeo, but this is all a bit sudden, so good bye.

_[Juliet turns to leave]_

**Romeo**: Juliet, I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!

**Juliet**: Oh! Then we must be married! I'll send someone over tomorrow with the arrangements, but you really need to go now.

_[Exit Juliet]_

**Romeo**: It is so easy to come to my love, but so hard to leave her.

_[Enter Juliet]_

**Juliet**: I keep trying to leave you out here, but time and time again I find myself drawn back to you. Are you still there Romeo?

**Romeo**: Yes Juliet, I am here, and I will remain so, my love, until the light in your window has gone dark.

**Juliet**: Then we may be here forever. What time can I send the arrangements tomorrow? 10'o'clock?

**Romeo**: No, no! I don't get up until noon. How about around 3?

**Juliet**: It is past time that you leave. I will see you soon my love.

**Romeo**: I wish that I were a bed bug that is warmed by your heated body while you sleep.

**Juliet**: I wish the same, my Romeo. For the last time, good night.

**Romeo**: Sleep well, my love.

_Exit_


End file.
